by Rosana Garcia
I have to make do with the little that I get.
I have always been the back-pocket secret.
I’m the girl in the shadows and under the sheets.
I’m the girl you’d never recognize on the street.
There was once a boy who dubbed himself
“The Dying Poet” and had a dark goatee.
I was fourteen and he was legally a man.
So we kissed and smoked and snuck around.
I learned about a good grind, cutting class,
cigarettes, desire and control and the dark
rebellious streak through my heart and blood.
There was once a boy who wanted to be a Catholic
priest and wore a formal suit with a tie.
I was alone for the first time in three years.
So we kissed and drank and snuck around.
I learned about gin and tonic, midnight phone calls,
speaking in code, finding comfort in what was not
there and the way to three different dorm rooms.
I have to make do with the little that I get.
I have always been the back-pocket secret.
I’m the girl in the shadows and under the sheets.
I’m the girl you’d never recognize on the street.
There was once a girl with a diamond
on her left hand and secrets I didn’t know.
I was burning and she was a willing conspirator.
So we kissed and smoked and snuck around.
I learned about Mary Jane’s faces, the patience
of the few and far between and how it feels
when she takes away your dreaming heart.
There was once a man from Jersey City, New Jersey
who smoked the dro and always shared with friends.
I was lost and searching, running from home.
So we kissed and smoked and snuck around.
I learned about the PATH train, the subways,
maximizing the weekend, bowling stoned
and how I should have known it was impossible.
I have to make do with the little that I get.
I have always been the back-pocket secret.
I’m the girl in the shadows and under the sheets.
I’m the girl you’d never recognize on the street.
There was once a boy with dark skin and soft eyes
who had music in his heart and sex in his bones.
I was the least likely girl and good in bed.
So we kissed and smoked and snuck around.
I learned about cooking together in a kitchen,
threesomes, hip hop, his sensitive side
and the disease that now lives in our spines.
There was once a man with red hair and blue eyes.
and a girl with a French name and nice legs.
I was walking the dark side of the moon.
So we kissed and smoked and snuck around.
I learned about snorting and leaving Oxycotin,
betraying without knowing and fucking while
looking at New Haven from Madison Towers.
I have to make do with the little that I get.
I have always been the back-pocket secret.
I’m the girl in the shadows and under the sheets.
I’m the girl you’d never recognize on the street.
(c) 2005 understar productions and Rosana Garcia
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